One Year

It's been exactly one year since my mom passed away. Now I've experienced every day, season, event, occasion, and birthday without her. One of each. Yep. Even got February 29th in there.

I had a good day though, considering. I took a vacation day so I could spend time with my dad and aunts and visit her grave, which we did. I dropped Jake off at work and the kids off at daycare and then picked up my dad. Then I bought a little cedar bush and we got to the cemetary by 10am. Penny and Sandy were already there and together we planted our plants. My dad had brought jump ups (wild violets) and Penny brought petunias. Sandy "carried the hose". [which is actually almost true because she went off and found a hose to refill the water jug. For those of you who don't know, 'Pogo' is an old comic strip by Walt Kelly and my mom had several books of it. Some of our family expressions come from Pogo, one being "I carried the hose" which this little rabbit kept saying while the rest of the animal crew rushed around ineffectively trying to save something from fire. Check it out if you can. It's cute and funny.] My mood for most of the day, even at her plot, wasn't heavy and gloomy as I'd expected myself to be. I think giving my mom some of her favourite plants really spruced up her apartment.

So we stayed there for about 40 minutes, planting and talking, joking and being. Then we went to a restaurant and Elizabeth met up with us. Afterwards I went back to my dad's house and stayed there till Jake was done work. No major crying melt-downs. No anguish. No intolerable pain.. all of which is what I was kind of expecting. My dad and I had a good talk about life now, without her.

After I picked up Jake, we went home and sat outside in the beautiful sunny weather, and I made a tiny fire in my fire pit. I suggested we have chicken cordon-bleu for supper, which Jake likes. My mom used to make that dish. I will always associate her with it. We shopped for ham and swiss cheese, picked up the kids, and came home to cook. Jake suggested we have a cordon-bleu casserole instead of the real thing, so that is what I did. It turned out really good!

It's clouded over now, and I hope it rains for the sake of her little garden.

One year. It feels like it was yesterday that we said our goodbyes, but it also feels like 10 years since I've seen her. Time is a funny thing.