Theft and the Ensuing Guilt

My friend wants some rhubarb. Up the yard near the front house there's a huge patch of it, so I offered to grab a root of it for her. The gardener always prunes it back every year anyway, so I figured it would not be missed. They really prune back the raspberry bushes too. They love pruning, them gardeners. Jake and I don't get along with the gardeners. The main one is a crotchety old jerk. Last summer the younger one - who is about 15 years old - drove the riding mower over Lacey's old tie-out and they spent an hour untangling it. We apologized to them profusely, explained how our dog had died on the highway, and asked if there were any damage, to which they replied No, there was no damage. But they were not satisfied with our heartfelt apologies. The crotchety old one complained to the main McDowell Handyman - Walleye we call him because his eyes look in two different directions like a wall-eyed fish - he doesn't like us either if our yard isn't perfectly neat and tidy - where was I? Oh yes - he complained to Walleye about the tie-out who also came over to yell at us about it, who then complained to Bernie McDowell - who hadn't died yet - who drove up his car (well Walleye was driving cuz he was pretty far gone with Alzheimers by then) to talk to us about it, only he had forgotten why he'd come, and instead of yelling right away he introduced himself to me (we've lived here almost 4 years) and said they were either going to trim the hedges or take them right out. At which point I said "But they really do help us with privacy" and he changed his mind back to just trimming them - and then Walleye reminded him to chastize me about the dog chain which he started to, but I'd had enough. I leaned in the window (I was on the passenger side, next to Mr. McDowell) and said to Walleye that we'd already been informed about the chain twice, we'd already apologized a great deal to him AND the gardener at the time, and didn't feel it was necessary to bring it up a third time. Especially since there had been no damage. Also, I added, the boy should have been looking where he was driving. And Mr McDowell said "yes he should have been watching" ha! Walleye looked grumpy and they took off. One time when we had a few garbage bags next to the house, Walleye had said to Jake if we don't tidy the yard up we'd get evicted, which was illegal of him to say to us, according to the Landlord and Tenant Act.

Back to the rhubarb. I took a chunk and as I was putting it into a bag outside, a grey car much like Mr. McDowell's drove slowly past the house, then reversed to pass our house again. I went inside and locked the door and hid in the bedroom for half an hour. Just in case they were going to yell at me for stealing some rhubarb. No one knocked on my door though, but MAN did I ever feel guilty.